The Eighth Page

Den Dancin’

As per usual, the dance in Susie’s on Friday was full of excitement. Highlights included frightened Juniors cowering in the corners from feverish upperclassmen prowling for a hook-up, awkward circles around a sole Lower attempting to pass off spasms as “break dancing” and a few angelic moments from singing dancers. Their voices were fit for Azure — just like the esteemed a capella group, their screeches broke mirrors and made ears bleed. The Student Activities Board is considering cancelling dances in Susie’s due to “broken glassware.” That’s right, people – Gelb was just the beginning.

Speaking on behalf of all Juniors, Turnip DuBass ’18, however, praised the dances in a recent interview, saying, “It was the worst. They all are. Why do they even have these? And what does a Junior have to do to get a date around here?!?! I’ve had to spend the last few Fridays with Jill…”

Students also raved about the faculty chaperones at dances, especially the notorious Dean-who-must-not-be-named. Where would students be without his wise oversight of separating boys and girls who try to get within 24 inches of each other? By sNOw means is that allowed by the Blue Book.