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The Phillipian

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Features Staff CXXXVII    Thursday, September 11, 2014
Phillipian Features Staff CXXXVII    Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Phillipian Features Staff CXXXVII    Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Phillipian Features Staff CXXXVII    Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Phillipian Features Staff CXXXVII    Tuesday, June 10, 2014
10. Wear lab appropriate clothing.9. It takes two to titrate.8. Pay ample attention to Honey Bear.7. If people are pumping their fists, you probably should.6. Avoid asking any of the chaperones to dance. They might actually want to.5. Just dance, it’ll be ok, da-da, doo-doo.4. Drink more water. Dehydration is no fun for anyone.3. When the beat drops, pick it up.2. The best floor is actually floor 2 and 3/4 but shhh...1. Ask out the one you like before they argon!
Phillipian Features Staff CXXXVII    Tuesday, June 10, 2014
10. Extra frisky security brushdown.9. Busy getting a “natural” tan.8. Long line at Starbucks to get your Vente with skim milk.7. Freak gasoline fight accident on the tarmac.6. Sexual harassment lawsuit w/ TSA (see #10)5. Customs found your hedgehog.4. The “Fasten Seatbelt” sign wouldn’t turn off.3. Unsuccessful flirting attempts with the flight attendant2. Apparently, airlines don’t believe in ‘fashionably late.’1. Soiree with Features.
Phillipian Features Staff CXXXVII    Tuesday, June 10, 2014
10. “President Palfrey” has a nice ring to it.9. So HoS day finally receives the national recognition it deserves.8. To escape the insults of Andover townsfolk.7. Palfreycare > Obamacare.6. We have enough Sperry’s to start an export economy.5. ‘Secede’ and ‘Succeed’ sound very similar.4. National Sunday Sundaes.3. So George Bush ’64 can get four more years.2. Two presidents are better than one.1. Student Council never undergoes a complete shutdown.
Phillipian Features Staff CXXXVII    Tuesday, June 10, 2014
10. Andover students needed a safety school.9. Mr. Palfrey needed to learn what was wrong with a school in order to run one.8. Their color is red. So is the devil’s.7. Andover needed a guaranteed athletics win each year.6. BKH need someone to cheer against.5. Exeter has 6 letters. 6 * 111 = 6664. A/E gives PA students their required community service.3. Their mascot resembles the devil.2. Like I can’t be the only one thinking that.1. No other Juvenile detention centers in New...
Phillipian Features Staff CXXXVII    Tuesday, June 10, 2014
10. Flirt with Honey Bear’s best friend.9. Pigeonhole Honey Bear.8. “Get a Bit Too Friendly” with Honey Bear’s secretary.7. Scream at Honey Bear’s children.6. Manipulate Honey Bear.5. Flirt with Honey Bear’s sister.4. Never apologize to Honey Bear. Even after last night.3. Marry Honey Bear because Honey Bear is rich.2. Flirt with Honey Bear’s mother.1. Arson.
Alex Sweeting    Tuesday, June 10, 2014
10. Flaccid Banana.9. Apathetic Passionfruit.8. Prosmiscuous Pear.7. Amiable Nightshade.6. Dedicated Honeysuckle.5. Wild-Bittersweet Orange.4. Plebian Apple.3. Peer-pressuring Potato.2. Overcompensating Peanut.1. Parched Watermelon.
Remington Remmel    Tuesday, June 10, 2014
Hemang and Pearson once told me, “Features writes jokes, Features is not a joke.” And while that is true in that we should take pride in our work, it over simplifies what we do at Features. Yes, we write jokes, and while that is the most esoteric part of our job, it constitutes only a fraction of the hours we spend working in Morse each week. Hopefully after reading this article you will have a better understanding of what it means to be a Features Editor.You probably already know that our...
Jake Marrus    Tuesday, June 10, 2014
I hope you won’t be reading this as well as my other reflection in the Commentary section. If you are reading both Features and Commentary, I have a bone to pick with you, and I pick the humerus.As I sat pondering my Andover experience, I contemplated scrawling a poem upon the nearest wall. I squeezed it out, and the poem is as follows:Here I sit,Broken hearted;Came to learn,But only started.Though little more than a couplet and by no means proper iambic pentameter with either masculine or...

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