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The Phillipian

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Payton Jancsy    Thursday, April 17, 2014
Well, folks, it’s that time of year again. The sun is coming out, the grass is coming back and students of all ages are gradually migrating out to the lawn and descending into various states of (Blue Book appropriate, of course) undress. That’s right, this weekend has been the first this year in which the weather outside has been appropriate for lawning. The lawning-season has come as quite the surprise to the pale, sickly curmudgeons reclusing themselves in the library. Emerging out onto the...
Alisa Bhakta    Thursday, April 17, 2014
As the student body emerges from one of the longest hibernations in Andover’s history, just about everyone is relieved to finally see the light. The Lowers, however, are not as relieved as the others students are. The Juniors remain worry free and ready to explore their first Spring Term; the Uppers have Senior year to look forward to; the Seniors and Post-Graduates are graduating; but the Lowers, oh, the Lowers! What do they have? The term sophomore, a muggle term for Lowers, comes from the...
Payton Jancsy    Thursday, April 17, 2014
It happened in the stir-fry line. There I was, waiting patiently, when the realization hit me: Upper Spring had finally arrived. Just as I considered this daunting fact, I approached the counter and told the chef, “Chicken, please.” This was the moment we have all been waiting for, the challenge of surviving the final term of Upper Year, the period of an Andover student’s career commonly referred to as “the Age of Hell.” “It was not that bad,” they said. “You can do this,” they said. But here...
Julian Otis    Thursday, April 17, 2014
With Senior Spring upon us, the eldest of upperclassmen now have the time to sit back and relax. Ah, there is nothing better than to lean back and feel the wooden contours of a library chair mold to the curvature of one’s back. With alarms promptly set, each Senior is sure to make every day the absolute finest. “Go to the Great Lawn without me, Sally. I’m afraid I will be maintaining a 6.0 average this term,” states every Senior simultaneously. “What a shame,” responds an unwise and...
James Flynn    Thursday, April 17, 2014
The beginning of their second Senior Spring has been a trying time for the Post-Graduates. Despite the fact that they were accepted into college and do not need to worry about their grades any longer, the Post-Graduates are up very late completing their enormous homework loads. The 100-level language classes are piling up on homework assignments, and the teachers are checking them for the first time since Fall Term. A resident of West Quad North, Tom Graduatedlastyear, one of the many Post-...
Phillipian Features Staff CXXXVII    Thursday, April 17, 2014
10. Smile. 9. Laugh. 8. Lawn. 7. Frollick. 6. Spoon (in every sense of the word). 5. Zigzag on the grass. 4. Look at the grass. 3. Think about the grass. 2. Weed the grass. 1. Procrastinate.
Phillipian Features Staff CXXXVII    Thursday, April 10, 2014
Teddy Lasry    Thursday, April 3, 2014
While we here at Andover are talking a whole lot about CoEd at 40, it’s easy for us to forget about an immense landmark, dear to us all: our nation has officially hit CoEd at 238. That’s right, folks, for 238 years (or 2086265.16 hours), our very own land of opportunity has generously provided other peoples’ land to both men and women. Never mind social inequality, the wage gap, violence against women, the ludicrously out-of-date birth control conversations and objectifying representations in...
Phillipian Features Staff CXXXVII    Thursday, April 3, 2014
FEATURES: Hello David and Rebecca! Thanks for being with us! To start off, this interview marks the third consecutive time you both have been featured in The Phillipian. How does it feel? DAVID: I think it’s my fourth. I am a god. REBECCA: We are gods, pretty much. DAVID: They should build a pyramid in our honor. Like the Aztecs. FEATURES: Cool. So if you were an animal, which would it be, and why? DAVID: I’d rather be a Lion because ... I don’t know, they’re lions dude! Like...
James Flynn    Thursday, March 27, 2014
Hey guys! I miss you so much! Did you notice I was gone? I’m sure you did! Well, I know I wrote you that letter earlier about my plans, but here’s another update. As you know, I was so excited to visit the sandy beaches of Jamaica. I stuffed three pairs of Crocs, some flamboyant bathing suits, my flowery t-shirt collection and my new portable fish tank, the Aquamatic-430 LITE, into my bag — don’t worry, it was still lighter than my backpack at school! After the usual four-and-a-...
Tiffany Bauman    Thursday, March 27, 2014
Howdy there, neighbor! While y’all yuppies took vacays to Park City or wasted y’all’s lives sitting on a couch waiting for your mom to tell you to clean the Oreo crumbs off the floor, I spent my days cotton-eye-joe-ing and eatin’ three-foot-long sausages at the good Ol’ Texas Rodeo! Unlike some, I wasn’t gonna let some 90-degree weather stop me from riding my horse through dirt streets crowded with those sweaty Texas-sized cowboys. As I stuffed my face with anything and everything fried...
Teddy Lasry    Thursday, March 27, 2014
After I got out of school, I decided that this break was going to be my “writing vacation.” I was determined to produce a great North Eastern American novel and become the voice of my generation. The first day back, I would drop a perfect manuscript on my English teacher’s desk and nonchalantly proclaim: “there.” I would then get published, and coasting off my immense fame, I would maybe even drop out of school. In my newfound free touch, I could field movie offers, bless gallery openings...

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