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The Phillipian

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Jack Lane    Thursday, December 11, 2014
Hi there, Andover!As many of you may have heard, Features has undergone a “general reconstruction in management.” While this is an inappropriate forum to discuss the details (if you are interested in those, send me a message by either SnapChat or Carrier Pigeon), all you out there need only know one thing: you have a chance to join The Phillipian and run your favorite section!Go figure! Imagine that!And best of all, this is not a practical joke! I’m actually dead serious. The Phillipian is...
Features Staff CXXXVII    Thursday, December 11, 2014
10. At least he didn’t die old… 9. Heaven just couldn’t wait to have them! 8. Let’s be honest: the world’s a better place without him. 7. Be strong, you bleary-eyed wimp. 6. She’s got to be in a better place. Don’t you remember her pigsty of an apartment?!?! 5. Ten points for Malthus! 4. How about a game of FIFA after the funeral? 3. Well it’s about time! I thought she would live to see 100! 2. Look on the bright side: more inheritance for...
Features Staff CXXXVII    Friday, November 7, 2014
Julia Lane    Thursday, October 23, 2014
It’s that time of year, folks! Clean out the earwax that’s been lingering in there for so long (ran out of Q-tips? Yeah, we know you’re lazy and CVS is far away, but this is worth the trip!) because, at this weekend’s performance, you’ll want to hear every sound made by our orthopteran star attraction!His music will enchant you — it rivals the likes of the musical-masterminds Beethoven and Soulja Boy! Yes, you’ve got it —The Grasshopper himself is coming to Andover!He is making the dangerous...
Edward Elson    Thursday, October 23, 2014
Friday, October 24:No scheduled appointments. But when you arrive, just forget about your children. Don’t let their academic struggles stress you out. Instead, enjoy a relaxing evening in the majesty of our historic campus’s beautiful scenery.Saturday, October 25:9:00 a.m. – Enjoy a full English breakfast at Paresky Commons, with optional room service at the Andover Inn.12:00 p.m. – Meetings with teachers begin.3:00 p.m. – Once parent-teacher meetings have finished, house counselors will meet...
Features Staff CXXXVII    Thursday, October 23, 2014
10. It’s a four-day weekend!! 
Except for athletes with a fall sport... they have games on Saturday and practice on Tuesday. 9. No tests or quizzes... over the weekend. Wednesday is completely up for grabs. 8. At least ten hours of travel for all non-local boarding students. 7. Flu Shots. 6. Some parents will watch their kids win their games, but some will watch them get absolutely destroyed (no offense, Football). 5. Students conveniently have fewer days to turn in overnight...
Chuck Mayhew    Thursday, October 23, 2014
Hello from Andover, Mr. and Mrs. Surname,Midterms have arrived, and now is the time when house counselors check in with parents. Your daughter, First Name, is fitting in very well here in Dorm; she’s made lots of friends, and I often see her participating in many of our dorm activities. Every time I see her on the path, at Paresky Commons or in the dorm, she can’t wait to tell me about how she’s doing. It’s as though nothing gives her more pleasure than telling me about herself. It’s refreshing...
Features Staff CXXXVII    Thursday, October 16, 2014
Ellie Simon    Thursday, October 9, 2014
Charlie Mayhew    Thursday, October 2, 2014
Connecting Our Strengths: The Andover AndeavorToday, we are extraordinarily excited to set forth “Connecting Our Strengths: The Andover Andeavor.” We believe Andover is not just a school, but an institution of excellence and education with wide sweeping influence and great power. With that power, however, comes a responsibility to pledge to protect and guard centuries of tradition, equality and limitless, unbounded opportunity in multiple areas across many professions and skills. We believe...
Features Staff CXXXVII    Thursday, September 25, 2014
Features Staff CXXXVII    Thursday, September 18, 2014
Pony RidesIt was the perfect fall night.  You arrived at the Fall Carnival with one goal: to get your behind upon a magnificent steed.  Two Hungarian half-breds would maneuver their way into the beautiful campus to be ridden by the student body.  Rain struck the campus, frightening away the stallions that left behind a trail of false promises.  The rain did not stop when the skies cleared; you stayed in your room for three hours with tears gushing down your face.  The...

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